10 Reasons the Earth is Flat

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A lot of people thought the age of satellites would put paid to Flat Earth theory – the idea that our planet isn’t a sphere, but instead a sort of pancake thing.

Those people reckoned without the sheer insanity of the World Wide Web.

The original Flat Earth society fizzled out after the Soviets launched Sputnik – a satellite which reappeared at intervals and seemed to prove the Earth was round – but a new, defiant group of Flat Earthers have reappeared on the Flat Earth forums.

…and lo, God created the FLAT earth….

The forums are adamant the Earth is flat – but very emphatic about the fact that it IS NOT carried through space on the back of a giant turtle.

How on Earth is it possible to believe the Earth is flat in 2014? Here are their 10 ‘reasons’ the Earth is flat.

1. It sort of looks flat, doesn’t it?

Honestly, this is one of their reasons

2. It’s cheaper to fake journeys into space than it is to journey into space

And a global conspiracy has been embezzling all that money ever since the 50s

3. Satellite photos are ‘easily faked’

And the global conspiracy has been doing so for five decades.

4. ‘Day’ and ‘night’ are created by the sun orbiting in a circle above, then beneath the North Pole

The sun also moves sideways – hence winter and summer. They think of everything!

5. People who think they’ve flown round the Earth have just travelled in a big circle round the North Pole

The Earth is like a pancake, with the North Pole in the middle, see.

6. It all stays together because there’s a big ice wall round the edge

The oceans don’t spill off because there’s a wall of ice – called Antarctica. The Flat Earth society admit to being ‘curious’ as to what lies beyond this.

7. Gravity doesn’t exist

Instead, the Earth is constantly accelerating upwards, so the force of gravity is like being pushed into your seat in a car, see?

8. Earth is accelerating upwards due to ‘dark energy’

It all tallies with Einstein, the maniacs boast, as Einstein whirrs gently in his grave.

9. Photos from aeroplanes look curved because of the windows

… and satellite shots look rounded at the edge due to the ‘spotlight’ under the sun, which is only a few thousand miles up.

10. An experiment proved that a six-mile stretch of water was flat

Except it didn’t really. It was famously misread by previous Flat Earthers, who weren’t the brightest crayons in the pack.

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